“When I have lost weight, then I will…” Do you recognize that phrase? The feeling of attending an event, going on a sunny vacation, meeting old friends you haven’t seen in a while, without having shed those extra pounds or tackled any other insecurities you may have.
While you are excited to soon get to enjoy the sun on your skin, the saltwater in your hair, and the sand between your toes, there’s a small nagging reminder and fear that someone will notice that you haven’t managed to keep your body in shape. You’ve failed, and you won’t be accepted. Everyone will see the belly/arms/thighs/double chin and so on.
The first 40 years of my soon-to-be 60-year-old life have been characterized by a critical scrutiny that dictates a flat belly, toned arms, perfectly sized breasts, slender thighs, and thick, healthy hair. I have felt the pressure, as has my mother, her mother, and even my daughters. It’s an invisible demand, as if it were an innate instinct.
When I turned 40, I had had enough. I began to see the distortion in how it valued my body. My arms that could lift heavy grocery bags, carry children, embrace my husband. My legs that supported my body mile after mile. My stomach, my hips, my breasts. I started appreciating all that they did for me and how grateful I was to have them. They were mine, and they had been with me throughout my entire life.
If this gaze is not innate, where does it come from? If we rewind back a few thousand years, I don’t believe there was any concern about how the stomach looked… Although, of course, I wasn’t there, so I can’t be entirely certain… But something tells me that this is unique to our time. We now have more time than ever to focus on our bodies, to improve, rejuvenate, and reduce. Our energy is no longer directed towards securing food for the day or finding shelter. We are surrounded by media images offering solutions to our “problems,” and we hear how easily we can smooth, lift, and detoxify.
The beauty industry continues to expand each year, and people are expected to keep up, staying updated and maintaining their body’s market value. But who truly benefits from this in the end? The only thing that happens is that the market value of the beauty industry rises, while our self-esteem is eroded. We become more dissatisfied with our appearance and feel like failures because we haven’t managed to look like the perfect ideal image, despite all the tools available.
So, how do you stop criticizing your body? My solution is simple: Ignore all the expectations, surround yourself with people who bring you joy, see every wrinkle as a sign of life, take an extra scoop of ice cream when you crave it, feel gratitude for everything you and your body have accomplished so far, enjoy life, dress in what makes you HAPPY, not in what makes you feel thin. Life is short, and your body deserves love and respect. Start today!
This text was published in Åbo Underrättelser on March 17, 2020. I want to conclude with a comment I received on Facebook after sharing this text. It actually brought tears of joy to my eyes, and I felt so strong, happy, and grateful for all of you. Together, we can make a difference!
English translation of the customer feedback above:
“‘The only thing that happens is that the market value of the beauty industry rises, while our self-esteem is eroded. We become more dissatisfied with our appearance and feel like failures because we haven’t managed to look like the perfect ideal image, despite all the tools available.’ – The first time I visited Marie’s shop, I cried. Not because I was ugly and overweight, but because I had believed in everything that the world projected onto me. Every time I tried on clothes, it felt like a failure, and I was never satisfied with what I saw in the mirror. It’s never too late, even though I’m halfway through my life. Better late than never! To finally like what I see in the mirror and to be happy with who I am – that, my friend, is worth celebrating! Thank you, Marie Backman-Thors!!”
Hugs,
Marie