On October 20th, I wrote a column about giving compliments regarding weight and weight loss, and how it can be problematic. The issue with appearance-based compliments is that it puts the focus on surface-level attributes.
Now it’s time to cultivate a new culture! I want us all to become comfortable with both giving and receiving compliments and appreciation. It’s about daring to express how we feel and being confident in expressing appreciation both in words and actions. Imagine saying something positive to someone every day – how good we would feel!
Showing appreciation for someone and seeing how you bring joy to someone else makes you happy yourself; it releases feel-good hormones and makes us feel warm inside. Not to mention receiving a compliment directed at your personality or your contribution at home or in the workplace – it strengthens you, boosting that important SELF-ESTEEM! By the way, a strong self-esteem is linked to reduced stress, which in turn is linked to a boosted immune system! Much needed in these Corona times.
I’ve noticed a clear pattern over the years: When I say something positive to someone, it’s clear that the person becomes happy, and then I feel significant and feel like I’ve made a difference. It’s like ripples on the water, one compliment = 2 happy people bouncing on in life and can make someone else happy, who in turn makes someone else happy, etc. There’s no limit to where that double happiness spreads, and think – it’s COMPLETELY FREE!
I can give an example – woke up one morning feeling like, nah, today I don’t feel like doing anything, felt low on energy, as one can sometimes feel. But I got up, put on my favorite music, and made breakfast anyway. Thought that today I’ll wear something really colorful, because my mood needs it! Started feeling a bit better, but still in a bad mood. Went out and took my flowery bike and cycled off to my shop, opened up, and started with the day’s chores.
Then a customer comes in, and gives me a flower and a card that says ‘Thank you for being you.’ The woman with the flower told me that she had been thinking about me since last time we met, when I had said some, to her, warming and meaningful words. The words had stayed with her and made her want to show her appreciation towards me. I felt so grateful and happy all day, and my bad mood was gone, which in turn rubbed off on all the customers who came in, and on my whole family. I had received a real boost!
It doesn’t take a flower or a card to show appreciation, but just knowing that you are appreciated by someone can brighten your day. There are surely many reasons why it works and studies on which biochemical processes are triggered in the body. What I notice myself, just like in the example above, is that compliments and appreciation focus on positive things, steering our attention away from negative feelings.
So my tip for starting to cultivate this culture of compliments is: Express your appreciation for the friend who always listens, the colleague who supports you, your partner who backs you up, your friend who always cheers you up, or the neighbor who took the opportunity to shovel your driveway when she shoveled hers… These wonderful nuggets spread ripples on the water – the more we give, the more we receive.
/ Marie
This column was published in Åbo Underrättelser on January 26, 2021. Read it HERE. Watch me read the column aloud here (available only in Swedish and Finnish):